I was so naive as a kid, I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. – Johnny Carson
1. You still believe in The Great Pumpkin.
2. You still like Fruit Stripe Gum.
3. Your hula hoop skills are top notch.
4. You still try to catch snowflakes on your tongue.
5. You could spend hours playing with PlayDoh.
6. You still get excited when you see a sticker.
7. You still tell knock knock jokes.
8. You still love to play Hide and Seek.
9. You still wish you could sleep with your Teddy Bear.
Posted in childhood, funny, humor, lists, Uncategorized
Tagged 9 signs you are still a child at heart, catching snowflakes, fruitstripe gum, hide and seek, hula hoops, knock knock jokes, playdoh, teddy bears, the great pumpkin
My life has been difficult to navigate lately. I have so many different emotions bubbling up inside of me. I’ve found myself just staring off, trying to figure everything out.
I have always had this part of me that wants to fix all that is broken. I’m finally starting to learn how impossible this task is.
Sometimes, you have to kick dirt on it and walk away. I’ve learned this trick from my dog.
All I can really do is follow my instincts. Any threat of danger makes me run. Self preservation is more important than popularity and stats.
I want to thank you all, my friends who followed me again. It means so much.
I have the sort of mind that loves to pick everything apart. I question everything. I want to know why, how, when, and what time are we meeting for dinner again?
I’m not spontaneous, just like most of us introverts.
My father and I used to play a game we loosely called, “But why?” He always knew the answers to my childish inquisitions, but I did stump him on occasion.
Do earthworms pee through their skin? Yes. Yes, they do.
There’s more than one way to skin a cat. What an awful saying. I was going to look up the folklore behind it, but I’m not in a morbid mood right now.
Really though, what fun is life without some morbidity thrown in occasionally for good measure? Boring, that’s what. I say boo to that.
I recently read somewhere that life is just an illusion that we create within our own minds.
Maybe this existence is more like a bedtime story ala Rod Serling, something to gnaw on while you lay awake at night, staring at the ceiling praying for sleep to give you a chance.
Will you remember you read these words 10 minutes from now?
I solemnly pledge
To do it tomorrow….
Or maybe next Monday
Unless I don’t feel like it
In which case I will do it eventually
Or one of these days
But not on a Sunday
I hereby pledge
To wait as long as I can
And I promise to tackle the needful task
Sometime in the foreseeable future
Although there is a good chance that I might not
I was getting ready to do a trust fall into a strangers arms when my good friend fear came to call. He sat on my shoulder and whispered all sorts of dreadful things into my ear.
Fear: Oh shit, this isn’t going to turn out well, you know.
Myself: Why not? She seems strong enough. I bet she eats her spinach.
Fear: No, what if her cellphone goes off, and she let’s you drop? Ouch.
Myself: Nice try. There were no cell phones in 1991.
Myself: Yeah, that seems legit. What should I do?
Fear: Honestly? Run.
Myself: My thighs rub together when I run, I hate being chafed.
Fear: Then just half-ass it. That’s what I would do, but what do I know? I’m just an emotion.
Myself: Why haven’t you used up your vacation time yet? Courage is ready to fill in for you.
Fear: What can I say? I’m dedicated to my job.
Myself: I can’t talk anymore, I’ve stalled this long enough.
Fear: Bitch, you’re crazy.
Myself: Okay, here I go.
Fear: I’m going to hurl.
Myself: I can’t believe I just did that. Although I admit, it was rather half-assed.
Fear: That’s my girl.
My favorite nursery rhyme has always been Humpty Dumpty. I recall feeling so sad for that poor soon-to-be scrambled egg, and so mad at all of those kings men for not being able to put him back to good again.
But I was also a little miffed at Humpty. What the hell was he doing on that wall, anyways? Didn’t he realize how dangerous it was way up there?
On second thought, he could have tripped on a pebble and deviled himself just as easily by walking down the street.
The point of my tale is not to make everyone hungry for egg salad, but to show how many separate emotions we can all have inside of us at any given time. I felt sorry for Humpty, but I also wanted to give him a smack right on his little bum.
Perhaps Humpty was depressed and decided to tempt fate. There could have been a scandal ensuing against him, one never knows.
It could have even been an accident, but I bet my limited income it’s because he was a talking egg and shunned by his own kind.
Not even fit for breakfast. Signed, Humpty.
Good news! I heard Mrs. Dumpty won the lawsuit against The King, by the way.
She dated The Cat for a while, diddled The Fiddle, then finally ran away with The Spoon.
She wasn’t good enough for you anyways, Humpty.